Sorry to bother you so late,
but I thought there would be less traffic right now.
God, I want to pray for my mother,
she is being smothered.
That man left,
and she’s running out of options.
She gets a glazed, faraway look nowadays. Like she’s not really there.
Hasn’t she borne her cross God?
She has been kind and loving and patient and every good thing that has ever happened to me.
Do you know what it takes to raise 3 children? Money. You know this. She needs money, she needs you to open one of those doors.
I’m also asking for a favor for my aunt.
She doesn’t have any children and between you and me,
she starting to lean more toward the pentagram than the crucifix.
People are starting to look at her now,
they talk too.
She is cursed like her sister,
one can’t keep a man,
the other has a grave for a woman.
I hear mom cry with her on the phone.
Are you still there?
This last one is for me.
Save me God.
I couldn’t produce an edible meal if my uterus depended on it,
and I think it does.
Save me from the beatings,
from all the bad men,
from the children that I’m supposed to bear.
I know you gave the order,
but there are 7 billion humans and counting. I think we did it.
Save me from the boys, and their swelling trousers.
I’m not asking for it, am I God?
Save my shirt from the touts, and their scissor-like hands.
you’re a man, and so was your son,
so are Gabriel and Raphael and Micheal.
The best thing a woman did in the Bible was bear a son.
What do you know about my problems?
I’m sorry to disturb you at this late hour but I knew you’d be awake.
I need a favor for my mother, and my aunt if she hasn’t already got to you.
I know this isn’t your thing, but you were much closer to Eve.
You have a great record with women,
Bethsheba, that harlot showering in the confines of her own home.
So here it is Mr. Antichrist,
I have the perfect solution for the boys who won’t take no for an answer,
Ok, are you ready?
Make me the carrier of a debilitating venereal disease that can only affect men.