Yes, you make it look fat


No I am not sharing my clothes. Yes I know I am a guy and guys share their shit, but no! First of all, we are not the same height nor circumference. Your gut is the size of Homer Simpson’s………garage. It means you will stretch out my t-shirt into a fishing net and the arms into fishnet stockings. Your sweaty pits will turn my white T-shirt ‘dog-shit brown’. It will stink of alcohol and Russia, and I will have to soak it in sulphuric acid to get the funk off. 
Wear my socks!!! Why don’t I lend you my skin while you’re at it and Oh! Here’s a condom I used last night, just wipe it off and patch it up with some tape. Good as new. FUCK NO! I don’t care about the bro code or what Bernie said on “how I met your Mother”. 
I have to throw away every single fabric of mine you wear because of the skidmarks..arggh the shitty skidmarks…my god… And the vomit from the creature you bedded last night. 
On the plus side, I found a use for the shirt you borrowed last week though. I threw it into the compost heap and it really accelerated the decomposition process into manure. My strawberries are the size of balls now, golf balls to be precise. Won’t eat them though.

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